protecting marriages

In my training class, I get teased a fair bit for being married at twenty-four.

Generally it’s in the form of harmless comments, like “Did you make toast for your hubby this morning? Did you clean his socks and wash his dishes for him? How’s the marriage – still together I hope?” They are usually made with no harm intended, so I tend to reply with a quip and a smile.

Last week, I mentioned to the class that Sam was away for five days at a conference, which led to a long-running joke that his fictitious “conference” was a guise for his affair – i.e. that my husband was cheating on me, so I’d better “drive up there quick smart and spring him”. It doesn’t seem very funny as I write about it now, but there were puns and lots of giggling. Of course, I would never seriously believe that Sam is having an extra-marital affair, but no wife wants to hear insinuations about her husband cheating on her. The reality of infidelity is destructive and heart-wrenching.

To many people in this world, marriage is a joke. Step outside the Christian community and it’s often thrown about as if it means nothing. Perhaps it’s just the cynicism of a generation that has seen so many divorces, but many young people think I am foolish for getting married so “young”. The price I pay, according to some, is too much: loss of freedom, too much commitment, inability to focus on career, the high risk of divorce. There is also an assumption that to be married you must have certain things in place, like a mortgage on a house or a couple of years living together. Marriage has become a luxury you need to be able to afford, not the foundation that binds families together. Weddings are a million-dollar business, whereas keeping couples together and away from the divorce courts is supported only by the church, plus State and Federal Government funding.

God loves marriage and takes it very seriously. Not only did he give marriage to His own covenant people, but He blessed the whole of humanity with the gift of marriage. Songs of Solomon 4:18 says, “May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth”.

God also showed the world how marriages should work through His law. One wife, one husband. Faithfulness. Love and service. Head and body. Christians should theoretically have the best marriages, not just because we know marriage reflects the church’s union with Christ, but because we have a good God who gave us laws concerning our marriages.

There is much in this world that makes us despair. I don't believe that we can stop the trajectory towards genetic cloning, eradicate the exploitation of the weak and oppressed, or prevent marriages from breaking down. But that doesn't mean we don't act and shine like stars in this dark universe.

Good marriages are for everyone, not just the Christian. As a church, we need to promote happy, healthy marriages in our society. We need to help people see that good marriages lead to functional families and loving communities; that they are important to the fabric of our society. Amidst the chatter about same-sex couple rights, abortion, divorcee rights and women in the workplace, we need to put the health of our marriages back on the agenda.

This means supporting marriages in our churches, but also voicing our opinion when it comes to issues that can threaten the health of marriages and families in our society. Tanya Plibesek has done it, so can we. One issue which is becoming increasingly prevalent is the work-ethic in Sydney. We work longer hours, take less annual leave, go to work much sooner after having children and are driven far more by the mortgage than many other capital cities. This isn’t healthy and I believe it will cause harm in the long run.

Marriage isn't a joke, but it can be filled with much laughter and joy - if protected and honoured as God intended.